05/19/2005
A 'Woman of Valor' reaches out to whole community
By:Bonnie Adler , Staff Writer
For those on the outside trying to comprehend it, the life of an Orthodox Jewish woman can be mystifying. And the life of a Orthodox rabbi's wife can be nothing short of unimaginable for a lay person.
Freida Hecht, who lives in Norwalk and does much of her work among the Westport, Weston and Wilton Jewish community, is a "rebbutzin," which is the time-honored Yiddush word for rabbi's wife. She is married to Rabbi Yehoshua Hecht of Beth Israel Synagogue in Norwalk and is a beloved and admired teacher, a co-director of the Aleph Bet Preschool and believer in bettering the world.
Hecht is being honored as a Woman of Valor at the Beth Israel Synagogue in June.
She is the mother of 11 children who range from 24 to five years of age. As if this were not enough, she is also brilliant and beautiful.
In a clear, confident voice, Freida says, "Being a rabbi's wife is my mission statement in life for who I am. My life is not compartmentalized in any way. Who I am is what I do. It is all one thing."
"The children are a gift from God," she said. "Every child is a diamond. Does any woman say, 'I have enough diamonds?' I can never say that I have enough of those."
But of course, diamonds don't need to be nurtured, or nourished or create laundry, or messes. Freda is undaunted. She has taught her children that the family is one great supportive unit - that it doesn't matter if the child asked to fold the pile of laundry did not wear the clothing in the pile. "We are a family and we take care of each other."
She also points out that each child is an individual, to be loved and nurtured individually, although they also take care of each other. In turn, they encourage their mother to do her community work, which they know is so important to her, and take charge at home while she is away.
Freda also credits her husband, Rabbi Hecht, with supporting her, loving her and teaching her the most important things in life. "I am the rabbi's wife. He doesn't interfere with my independence. He is the one who gives me the confidence and inspiration for the things I do. My husband is a dynamo. He is a great catch."
A solid marriage is critical because the rabbinate is such a stressful job. "Everyone dumps on you - blames you if things go wrong. After all, as the rabbi you are the connection to God."
Freida describes a childhood in which she grew up in Brooklyn, in an Orthodox Jewish community known as "Lubavitch" where she had a close relationship with the respected and famous Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, a man revered throughout the international Hasidic community and whom some even called "the Messiah."
"I grew up with a feeling of confidence, that I could do things and have an impact. I felt empowered as a Jewish woman by the teachings of the Rabbi. I am motivated to teach other women, because I want them to feel empowered as well. Many of the women in our community are intelligent, inspiring people. But they are secularly intelligent and they don't know as much about religion. I wanted to help women understand the feminine soul."
It is Freida's goal to share the "brilliance and strength of the Torah where femininity is exalted." She wants to bring the teachings of the Torah to women so they can understand how it can be applied to their lives, and in a series of monthly lectures given in private homes to packed audiences, she alternates her talks between serious (mysticism and reincarnation) and trendy (one theme was Desperate Housewives - or how to find inner fulfillment). Each discussion kindles lively debate.
"I've been doing this for three years. I've learned as much as I've taught."
Her newest project is called Circle of Friends, in which she has paired teenagers in the community with children who have special needs, such as autism. The teens spend an hour with the children twice a month, and also participate in a monthly Sunday gathering in which the special needs kids come to the synagogue for a two-hour program which might include activities such as kickboxing or music and art.
"There is so much isolation in the families of special needs children. The children often have no friends, and there are so many negative feelings. We work to make them feel part of the community."
The program has been a tremendous success. Freida has gathered nine special needs children and 18 teenagers who work with them. She lauds the teens who do this work. 'To work with special needs children is to work with special souls. The teen that does this is a spiritual person. They have so many distractions - their school, their work, their music, their clothing, their friends. I am in awe of the teens who do this."
The response of the families of the special needs kids is overwhelming. "At first they can't believe it. Then they cry on the phone. They are so grateful for the relationships that develop with the children."
The Circle of Friends program also has some non-Jewish children in the program. "They should benefit too," says Freida. "I reach out to human beings. I don't limit myself."
"Remember the film ET? When the little boy and ET touched fingers and the light sparkled? Helping children creates positive energy. It ripples across the world and impacts everyone. That is the beauty of light, it spreads. If you have a fur coat, only you are warm. If you light a fire, everyone is warm."
"I believe that everything we do reflects in our private life. What good is it if everyone who doesn't know you loves you, but your kids hate you? I want to be a good person and a loving person and I want my kids to love me."
Hecht is being honored as a Woman of Valor at the Beth Israel Synagogue on Tuesday, June 7 from 10 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. For more information call 866-0534.
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©Westport Minuteman 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Special Needs; Correspondence of The Lubavitcher Rebbe
Correspondence of the Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, of righteous memory, and Dr. Robert Wilkes, at the time director of the Child Development Center at the Coney Island Hospital, on the subject of assisting people with special needs.
Coney Island Hospital
2601 Ocean Parkway • Brooklyn, New York 11235. 212-743-4100
Child Development Center
August 9, 1979
Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson
Lubovitcher Rebbe
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
Dear Rabbi Schneerson:
As a Jewish social worker and the chairman of Region II Council For Mental Retardation in Brooklyn, I would be most interested in learning what your views are regarding 'the care and education of Jewish retarded individuals' -- those persons who, from birth, are slow in thinking, speaking and learning.
The question is: how do we protect and safeguard all of our Jewish children -- the retarded and the non-retarded -- so that they can have the opportunity to grow, to develop, and to live 'Jewishly'? For many years, the retarded individual, especially the severely retarded, was placed in a large, state-operated institution, often quite a distance from the individual's home and community. During the past few years, efforts have been made to create "group homes" in all our neighborhoods throughout the city so that parents who cannot continue to care for their retarded sons or daughters have the choice of placing their child in a small, home-like setting: situated either within or nearby the individual's community.
This policy of creating "group homes' for the retarded -- Jewish as well as non-Jewish -- has been a source of controversy and often bitter opposition pitting parent against parent, neighbor against neighbor, and political leaders against one another. The basis for these heated discussions include predictions about lowering the economic value of homes in a community; fear that retarded individuals will commit vandalism or, even worse, commit crimes; and that the retarded themselves will feel uncomfortable surrounded by normal people. On the other hand, parents of the retarded want their children to live in a safe and healthy environment.
How may we view this issue -- that is, caring for individuals who have a disability which requires life-long care and supervision -- from a Jewish perspective? As a concerned Jew, I care very much about our Jewish community: how we treat one another and how we conduct ourselves as human beings. I am particularly interested in your comments and opinions, because the Lubavitcher movement, with its deep concern for every Jewish individual's welfare, has added a spiritual dimension -- a spark -- to all our lives!
As a married man with -- thank G‑d -- two beautiful, healthy children (ages 2 and 5), I am also aware that there has to be an equal concern for both the individual as well as for one's total community. The question is: how do we protect and safeguard all of our Jewish children -- the retarded and the non-retarded -- so that they can have the opportunity to grow, to develop, and to live 'Jewishly'?
I would also welcome the opportunity to discuss any of the above with you or your representatives. Thank you for your cooperation.
Respectfully yours,
Robert Wilkes,
Assistant Program Director/
Chairman, Region II Council For Mental Retardation
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
By the Grace of G-d
22 Av, 5739 [August 15, 1979]
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Mr. R. Wilkes, Asst. Program Director/
Chairman, Region II Council For Mental Retardation
Coney Island Hospital
260l Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11235
Greeting and Blessing:
This is in reply to your letter of Aug. 9, in which you ask for my views on "the care and education of Jewish retarded children," outlining some of the problems connected therewith and prevailing policies, etc.
I must, first of all, make one essential observation, namely, that while the above heading places all the retarded in one group, it would be a gross fallacy to come up with any rules to be applied to all of them as a group. For if any child requires an individual evaluation and approach in order to achieve the utmost in his, or her, development, how much more so in the case of the handicapped.
For if any child requires an individual evaluation and approach in order to achieve the utmost in his, or her, development, how much more so in the case of the handicapped. Since the above is so obvious, I assume that you have in mind the most general guidelines, with a wide range of flexibility allowing for the necessary individual approach in each case. All the more so, since, sad to say, our present society is poorly equipped in terms of manpower and financial resources to afford an adequate personal approach to each handicapped boy and girl. Even more regrettable is the fact that little attention (at any rate little in relation to the importance of the problem) is given to this situation, and consequently little is done to mobilize more adequate resources to deal with the problem.
Now, with regard to general guidelines, I would suggest the following:
(l) The social worker, or teacher, and anyone dealing with retarded individuals should start from the basic premise that the retardation is in each case only a temporary handicap, and that in due course it could certainly be improved, and even improved substantially. This approach should be taken regardless of the pronouncements or prognosis of specialists in the field. The reason for this approach is, first of all, that it is a precondition for greater success in dealing with the retarded. Besides, considering the enormous strides that have been made in medical science, human knowledge, methodology, and know how, there is no doubt that in this area, too, there will be far-reaching developments. Thus, the very confidence that such progress is in the realm of possibility will inspire greater enthusiasm in this work, and hopefully will also stimulate more intensive research.
(2) Just as the said approach is important from the viewpoint of and for the worker and educator, so it is important that the trainees themselves should be encouraged both by word and the manner of their training to feel confident that they are not, G-d forbid, "cases," much less unfortunate or hopeless cases, but that their difficulty is considered, as above, only temporary, and that with a concerted effort of instructor and trainee the desired improvement could be speeded and enhanced.
(3) Needless to say, care should be taken not to exaggerate expectations through far-fetched promises, for false hopes inevitably result in deep disenchantment, loss of credibility and other undesirable effects. However, a way can surely be found to avoid raising false hopes, yet giving guarded encouragement.
(4) As part of the above approach which, as far as I know has not been used before, is to involve (some of) the trainees in some form of leadership, such as captains of teams, group leaders, and the like, without arousing the jealousy of the others. The latter could be avoided by making such selections on the basis of seniority, special achievement, exemplary conduct, etc.
(5) With regard to the efforts which have been made in recent years to create "group homes" for retarded individuals, which, as you say, has been a source of controversy it is to be expected that, as in most things in our imperfect world, there are pros and cons. However, I believe that the approach should be the same as in the case of all pupils or students who spend part of their time in group environments school, dormitory, summer camp, etc., and part of their time in the midst of their families, whether every day, or at weekends, etc. Only by individual approach and evaluation can it be determined which individual fits into which category.
(6) There is surely no need to emphasize at length that, as in all cases involving Jews, their specific Jewish needs must betaken into account. This is particularly true in the case of retarded Jewish children, yet all too often disregarded. There is unfortunately a prevalent misconception that since you are dealing with retarded children, having more limited capabilities, they should not be "burdened" with Jewish education on top of their general education, so as not to overtax them. In my opinion this is a fallacious and detrimental attitude, especially in light of what has been said above about the need to avoid impressing the child with his handicap. Be it remembered that a child coming from a Jewish home probably has brothers and sisters, or cousins and friends, who receive a Jewish education and are exposed to Jewish observances. Even in the American society, where observant Jews are not yet in the majority, there is always some measure of Jewish experience, or Jewish angle, in the child's background. Now therefore, if the retarded child sees or feels that he has been singled out and removed from that experience, or when he will eventually find out that he is Jewish, yet deprived of his Jewish identity and heritage it is very likely to cause irreparable damage to him.
The trainees themselves should be encouraged both by word and the manner of their training to feel confident that they are not, G-d forbid, "cases" On the other hand, if the child is involved in Jewish education and activities and not in some general and peripheral way, but in a regular and tangible way, such as in the actual performance of Mitzvos, customs and traditions it would give him a sense of belonging and attachment, and a firm anchorage to hold on to, whether consciously or subconsciously. Eventually even a subconscious feeling of inner security would pass into the conscious state, especially if the teacher will endeavor to cultivate and fortify this feeling.
I am, of course, aware of the arguments that may be put forth in regard to this idea, namely, that it would require additional funding, qualified personnel, etc., not readily available at present. To be sure, these are arguments that have a basis in fact as things now stand. However, the real problem is not so much the lack of resources as the prevailing attitude that considers the Jewish angle as of secondary importance, or less; consequently the effort to remedy the situation is commensurate, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth of the matter is that if the importance of it would be seen in its true light that it is an essential factor in the development of the retarded Jewish child, in addition to our elementary obligation to all Jewish children without exception, the results would be quite different.
Perhaps all the aforesaid is not what you had in mind in soliciting my views on "group homes." Nevertheless, I was impelled to dwell on the subject at some length, not only because it had to be said, but also because it may serve as a basis for solving the controversy surrounding the creation of "group homes" for those children who are presently place in an environment often quite distant from the individual's home and community to paraphrase your statement.
Finally a concluding remark relating to your laudatory reference to the Lubavitch movement, "with its deep concern for every Jewish individual's welfare," etc.
Needless to say, such appreciation is very gratifying, but I must confess and emphasize that this is not an original Lubavitch idea, for it is basic to Torah Judaism. Thus, our Sages of old declared that ve'ohavto lre'acho ko'mocho ("Love your fellow as yourself") is the Great Principle of our Torah, with the accent on "as yourself," since every person surely has a very special, personal approach to himself. To the credit of the Lubavitch emissaries it may be said, however, that they are doing all they can to implement and live by this Golden Rule of the Torah, and doing it untiringly and enthusiastically.
May the Zechus Horabbim, the merit of the many who benefit from your sincere efforts to help them in their need, especially in your capacity as Regional Chairman of the Council For Mental Retardation, stand you in good stead to succeed in the fullest measure and stimulate your dedication for even greater achievements.
With esteem and blessing, [sig.]
August 12,1980
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway,
Brooklyn, New York 11213
Dear Rabbi Schneerson:
Rabbi Dr. Benjamin Sharfman, chairman of Federation's prospective conference on issues and needs of the Jewish retarded, has given me the honor and privilege to invite you (and/or your representatives) to address this conference. [...]
What should be remarkable about this conference is that not only will the participants be discussing how to make all aspects of Jewish living (e.g., education, community living, recreation, woreship) available to the developmentally disabled individual and his/her family but also the participants, perhaps for the first-time for a "Jewish" conference. [...]
It is no secret that the Lubavitch movement -- perhaps more than any other Jewish group -- has emphasized the critical significance of Jewish education for all Jewish boys and girls as well as the overall need of Yiddishkeit for all Jews. We would.welcome a statement from you prepared for this occasion: to be read at the conference by either yourself or::by a representative. You may also consider the possibility of sending a specially prepared taped message. Please feel free to consider any form of communication which you think would be most meaningful. [...]
May I take this opportunity to once again thank you for your continued interest and support. [...]
Wishing you and your entire family a very happy and healthy New Year.
Respectfully yours,
Robert Wilkes, DSW
Chairman, Brooklyn
Region 11 Council For
The Retarded
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
By the Grace of G-d
9th of Kislev, 5741 [November 17, 1980]
Brooklyn, N. Y.
Dr. R. Wilkes, DSW
Chairman, Brooklyn
Region 11 Council for The Retarded
c/o Coney Island Hospital
2601 Ocean Parkway
Brooklyn, N. Y. 11235
Greeting and Blessing:
This is to acknowledge receipt of your letter of Nov. 13th, with the enclosures in connection with the forthcoming Conference.
Since the matter is of the greatest importance, I have taken time out, despite the pressure of duties, to respond with the enclosed message. You can also supplement it with my past correspondence with you on this subject.
May G-d grant that every one of us should do the utmost along the lines suggested in my message, especially since we have the promise of Divine aid in all such good efforts.
With esteem and blessing [sig.]
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
By the Grace of G-d
9 Kislev, 5741
Brooklyn, N.Y.
To All Participants in the
Major Conference for the Jewish Community
On Issues and Needs of Jewish Retarded
New York City.
Greeting and Blessing:
I was pleased to be informed of the forthcoming Conference. I trust it will mark a turning point in the attitude of community leaders to Jewish education in general, and to so-called Special Education in particular.
In any discussion relating to the wellbeing of the Jewish community, the primary, indeed pivotal, issue should surely be Jewish Identity -- that which truly unites our Jewish people and gives us the strength to survive and thrive in a most unnatural, alien, and all too often hostile environment.
I prefer some such term as "special" people, not simply as a euphemism, but because it would more accurately reflect their situation Historically -- from the birth of our nation to this day -- Jewish identity, in the fullest sense of this term, has been synonymous with traditional Torah-Judaism as our way of life in everyday living. Other factors commonly associated with a national identity, such as language, territory, dress, etc., could not have played a decisive role in Jewish survival, since these changed from time to time and from place to place. The only factor that has not changed throughout our long history has been the Torah and Mitzvos which are "our life and the length of our days." The same Tefillin, Tzitzis, Shabbos and Yom-Tov have been observed by Jews everywhere in all generations. Clearly there is no substitute for the Torah-way as the source and essence of our Jewish people.
Recognizing this prima facie fact, means recognizing that Jewish survival depends on the kind of Education that develops and nourishes Jewish identity in the fullest measure. And this must surely be the highest priority of all communal services.
With regard to Jewish retarded -- parenthetically, I prefer some such term as "special" people, not simply as a euphemism, but because it would more accurately reflect their situation, especially in view of the fact that in many cases the retardation is limited to the capacity to absorb and assimilate knowledge, while in other areas they may be quite normal or even above average -- the Jewish identity factor is even more important, not only per se but also for its therapeutic value. The actual practice of Mitzvos in the everyday life provides a tangible way by which these special people of all ages can, despite their handicap, identify with their families and with other fellow Jews in their surroundings, and generally keep in touch with reality. Even if mentally they may not fully grasp the meaning of these rituals, subconsciously they are bound to feel at home in such an environment, and in many cases could participate in such activities also on the conscious level.
Even if mentally they may not fully grasp the meaning of these rituals, subconsciously they are bound to feel at home in such an environment To cite one striking example from actual experience during the Festival of Succos this year. As is well known, Lubavitch activists on this occasion reach out to many Jews with Lulov and Esrog, bringing to them the spirit of the Season of Our Rejoicing. This year being a year of Hakhel, I urged my followers to extend this activity as much as possible, to include also Nursing Homes and Senior Citizens' Hotels, as well as other institutions. I was asked, what should be the attitude and approach to persons who are senile or confused, etc. I replied -- all the more reason to reach out to them in this tangible way. Well, the reports were profoundly gratifying. Doctors and nurses were astonished to see such a transformation: Persons who had spent countless days in silent immobility, deeply depressed and oblivious to everything around them, the moment they saw a young man walk in with a Lulav and Esrog in his hand suddenly displayed a lively interest, eagerly, grasped the proffered Mitzvah-objects, some of them reciting the blessings from memory, without prompting. The joy in their hearts shone through their faces, which had not known a smile all too long.
One need not look for a mystical explanation of this reaction. Understandably, the sight of something so tangible and clearly associated with the joy of Succos evidently touched and unlocked vivid recollections of experiences that had permeated them in earlier years.
If there is much that can be done along these lines for adult and senior Jews in special situations, how much more so in regard to special children, when every additional benefit, however seemingly small, in their formative years will be compounded many times over as they grow older. In their case it is even more important to bear in mind that while they may be handicapped in their mental and intellectual capacity, and indeed because of it, every possible emphasis should be placed on the tangible and audio-visual aspects of Jewish education in terms of the actual practice of Mitzvos and religious observances -- as I have discussed this and related aspects at greater length in my correspondence with Dr. R. Wilkes of the Coney Island Hospital.
There is surely no need to elaborate on all above to the participants in the Conference, whose Rabbinic, academic, and professional qualifications in the field of Jewish Education and social services makes them highly sensitive to the problems at hand. I hope and pray that the basic points herein made will serve as guidelines to focus attention on the cardinal issues, and that this Conference will, as mentioned earlier, mark a turning point in attitude, and even more importantly in action vis-a-vis Jewish Education, long overdue.
With prayerful wishes for Hatzlocho, and with esteem and blessing, (signature of The Rebbe)
Coney Island Hospital
2601 Ocean Parkway • Brooklyn, New York 11235. 212-743-4100
Child Development Center
August 9, 1979
Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson
Lubovitcher Rebbe
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
Dear Rabbi Schneerson:
As a Jewish social worker and the chairman of Region II Council For Mental Retardation in Brooklyn, I would be most interested in learning what your views are regarding 'the care and education of Jewish retarded individuals' -- those persons who, from birth, are slow in thinking, speaking and learning.
The question is: how do we protect and safeguard all of our Jewish children -- the retarded and the non-retarded -- so that they can have the opportunity to grow, to develop, and to live 'Jewishly'? For many years, the retarded individual, especially the severely retarded, was placed in a large, state-operated institution, often quite a distance from the individual's home and community. During the past few years, efforts have been made to create "group homes" in all our neighborhoods throughout the city so that parents who cannot continue to care for their retarded sons or daughters have the choice of placing their child in a small, home-like setting: situated either within or nearby the individual's community.
This policy of creating "group homes' for the retarded -- Jewish as well as non-Jewish -- has been a source of controversy and often bitter opposition pitting parent against parent, neighbor against neighbor, and political leaders against one another. The basis for these heated discussions include predictions about lowering the economic value of homes in a community; fear that retarded individuals will commit vandalism or, even worse, commit crimes; and that the retarded themselves will feel uncomfortable surrounded by normal people. On the other hand, parents of the retarded want their children to live in a safe and healthy environment.
How may we view this issue -- that is, caring for individuals who have a disability which requires life-long care and supervision -- from a Jewish perspective? As a concerned Jew, I care very much about our Jewish community: how we treat one another and how we conduct ourselves as human beings. I am particularly interested in your comments and opinions, because the Lubavitcher movement, with its deep concern for every Jewish individual's welfare, has added a spiritual dimension -- a spark -- to all our lives!
As a married man with -- thank G‑d -- two beautiful, healthy children (ages 2 and 5), I am also aware that there has to be an equal concern for both the individual as well as for one's total community. The question is: how do we protect and safeguard all of our Jewish children -- the retarded and the non-retarded -- so that they can have the opportunity to grow, to develop, and to live 'Jewishly'?
I would also welcome the opportunity to discuss any of the above with you or your representatives. Thank you for your cooperation.
Respectfully yours,
Robert Wilkes,
Assistant Program Director/
Chairman, Region II Council For Mental Retardation
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
By the Grace of G-d
22 Av, 5739 [August 15, 1979]
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Mr. R. Wilkes, Asst. Program Director/
Chairman, Region II Council For Mental Retardation
Coney Island Hospital
260l Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11235
Greeting and Blessing:
This is in reply to your letter of Aug. 9, in which you ask for my views on "the care and education of Jewish retarded children," outlining some of the problems connected therewith and prevailing policies, etc.
I must, first of all, make one essential observation, namely, that while the above heading places all the retarded in one group, it would be a gross fallacy to come up with any rules to be applied to all of them as a group. For if any child requires an individual evaluation and approach in order to achieve the utmost in his, or her, development, how much more so in the case of the handicapped.
For if any child requires an individual evaluation and approach in order to achieve the utmost in his, or her, development, how much more so in the case of the handicapped. Since the above is so obvious, I assume that you have in mind the most general guidelines, with a wide range of flexibility allowing for the necessary individual approach in each case. All the more so, since, sad to say, our present society is poorly equipped in terms of manpower and financial resources to afford an adequate personal approach to each handicapped boy and girl. Even more regrettable is the fact that little attention (at any rate little in relation to the importance of the problem) is given to this situation, and consequently little is done to mobilize more adequate resources to deal with the problem.
Now, with regard to general guidelines, I would suggest the following:
(l) The social worker, or teacher, and anyone dealing with retarded individuals should start from the basic premise that the retardation is in each case only a temporary handicap, and that in due course it could certainly be improved, and even improved substantially. This approach should be taken regardless of the pronouncements or prognosis of specialists in the field. The reason for this approach is, first of all, that it is a precondition for greater success in dealing with the retarded. Besides, considering the enormous strides that have been made in medical science, human knowledge, methodology, and know how, there is no doubt that in this area, too, there will be far-reaching developments. Thus, the very confidence that such progress is in the realm of possibility will inspire greater enthusiasm in this work, and hopefully will also stimulate more intensive research.
(2) Just as the said approach is important from the viewpoint of and for the worker and educator, so it is important that the trainees themselves should be encouraged both by word and the manner of their training to feel confident that they are not, G-d forbid, "cases," much less unfortunate or hopeless cases, but that their difficulty is considered, as above, only temporary, and that with a concerted effort of instructor and trainee the desired improvement could be speeded and enhanced.
(3) Needless to say, care should be taken not to exaggerate expectations through far-fetched promises, for false hopes inevitably result in deep disenchantment, loss of credibility and other undesirable effects. However, a way can surely be found to avoid raising false hopes, yet giving guarded encouragement.
(4) As part of the above approach which, as far as I know has not been used before, is to involve (some of) the trainees in some form of leadership, such as captains of teams, group leaders, and the like, without arousing the jealousy of the others. The latter could be avoided by making such selections on the basis of seniority, special achievement, exemplary conduct, etc.
(5) With regard to the efforts which have been made in recent years to create "group homes" for retarded individuals, which, as you say, has been a source of controversy it is to be expected that, as in most things in our imperfect world, there are pros and cons. However, I believe that the approach should be the same as in the case of all pupils or students who spend part of their time in group environments school, dormitory, summer camp, etc., and part of their time in the midst of their families, whether every day, or at weekends, etc. Only by individual approach and evaluation can it be determined which individual fits into which category.
(6) There is surely no need to emphasize at length that, as in all cases involving Jews, their specific Jewish needs must betaken into account. This is particularly true in the case of retarded Jewish children, yet all too often disregarded. There is unfortunately a prevalent misconception that since you are dealing with retarded children, having more limited capabilities, they should not be "burdened" with Jewish education on top of their general education, so as not to overtax them. In my opinion this is a fallacious and detrimental attitude, especially in light of what has been said above about the need to avoid impressing the child with his handicap. Be it remembered that a child coming from a Jewish home probably has brothers and sisters, or cousins and friends, who receive a Jewish education and are exposed to Jewish observances. Even in the American society, where observant Jews are not yet in the majority, there is always some measure of Jewish experience, or Jewish angle, in the child's background. Now therefore, if the retarded child sees or feels that he has been singled out and removed from that experience, or when he will eventually find out that he is Jewish, yet deprived of his Jewish identity and heritage it is very likely to cause irreparable damage to him.
The trainees themselves should be encouraged both by word and the manner of their training to feel confident that they are not, G-d forbid, "cases" On the other hand, if the child is involved in Jewish education and activities and not in some general and peripheral way, but in a regular and tangible way, such as in the actual performance of Mitzvos, customs and traditions it would give him a sense of belonging and attachment, and a firm anchorage to hold on to, whether consciously or subconsciously. Eventually even a subconscious feeling of inner security would pass into the conscious state, especially if the teacher will endeavor to cultivate and fortify this feeling.
I am, of course, aware of the arguments that may be put forth in regard to this idea, namely, that it would require additional funding, qualified personnel, etc., not readily available at present. To be sure, these are arguments that have a basis in fact as things now stand. However, the real problem is not so much the lack of resources as the prevailing attitude that considers the Jewish angle as of secondary importance, or less; consequently the effort to remedy the situation is commensurate, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth of the matter is that if the importance of it would be seen in its true light that it is an essential factor in the development of the retarded Jewish child, in addition to our elementary obligation to all Jewish children without exception, the results would be quite different.
Perhaps all the aforesaid is not what you had in mind in soliciting my views on "group homes." Nevertheless, I was impelled to dwell on the subject at some length, not only because it had to be said, but also because it may serve as a basis for solving the controversy surrounding the creation of "group homes" for those children who are presently place in an environment often quite distant from the individual's home and community to paraphrase your statement.
Finally a concluding remark relating to your laudatory reference to the Lubavitch movement, "with its deep concern for every Jewish individual's welfare," etc.
Needless to say, such appreciation is very gratifying, but I must confess and emphasize that this is not an original Lubavitch idea, for it is basic to Torah Judaism. Thus, our Sages of old declared that ve'ohavto lre'acho ko'mocho ("Love your fellow as yourself") is the Great Principle of our Torah, with the accent on "as yourself," since every person surely has a very special, personal approach to himself. To the credit of the Lubavitch emissaries it may be said, however, that they are doing all they can to implement and live by this Golden Rule of the Torah, and doing it untiringly and enthusiastically.
May the Zechus Horabbim, the merit of the many who benefit from your sincere efforts to help them in their need, especially in your capacity as Regional Chairman of the Council For Mental Retardation, stand you in good stead to succeed in the fullest measure and stimulate your dedication for even greater achievements.
With esteem and blessing, [sig.]
August 12,1980
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway,
Brooklyn, New York 11213
Dear Rabbi Schneerson:
Rabbi Dr. Benjamin Sharfman, chairman of Federation's prospective conference on issues and needs of the Jewish retarded, has given me the honor and privilege to invite you (and/or your representatives) to address this conference. [...]
What should be remarkable about this conference is that not only will the participants be discussing how to make all aspects of Jewish living (e.g., education, community living, recreation, woreship) available to the developmentally disabled individual and his/her family but also the participants, perhaps for the first-time for a "Jewish" conference. [...]
It is no secret that the Lubavitch movement -- perhaps more than any other Jewish group -- has emphasized the critical significance of Jewish education for all Jewish boys and girls as well as the overall need of Yiddishkeit for all Jews. We would.welcome a statement from you prepared for this occasion: to be read at the conference by either yourself or::by a representative. You may also consider the possibility of sending a specially prepared taped message. Please feel free to consider any form of communication which you think would be most meaningful. [...]
May I take this opportunity to once again thank you for your continued interest and support. [...]
Wishing you and your entire family a very happy and healthy New Year.
Respectfully yours,
Robert Wilkes, DSW
Chairman, Brooklyn
Region 11 Council For
The Retarded
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
By the Grace of G-d
9th of Kislev, 5741 [November 17, 1980]
Brooklyn, N. Y.
Dr. R. Wilkes, DSW
Chairman, Brooklyn
Region 11 Council for The Retarded
c/o Coney Island Hospital
2601 Ocean Parkway
Brooklyn, N. Y. 11235
Greeting and Blessing:
This is to acknowledge receipt of your letter of Nov. 13th, with the enclosures in connection with the forthcoming Conference.
Since the matter is of the greatest importance, I have taken time out, despite the pressure of duties, to respond with the enclosed message. You can also supplement it with my past correspondence with you on this subject.
May G-d grant that every one of us should do the utmost along the lines suggested in my message, especially since we have the promise of Divine aid in all such good efforts.
With esteem and blessing [sig.]
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Lubavitch
770 Eastern Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213
By the Grace of G-d
9 Kislev, 5741
Brooklyn, N.Y.
To All Participants in the
Major Conference for the Jewish Community
On Issues and Needs of Jewish Retarded
New York City.
Greeting and Blessing:
I was pleased to be informed of the forthcoming Conference. I trust it will mark a turning point in the attitude of community leaders to Jewish education in general, and to so-called Special Education in particular.
In any discussion relating to the wellbeing of the Jewish community, the primary, indeed pivotal, issue should surely be Jewish Identity -- that which truly unites our Jewish people and gives us the strength to survive and thrive in a most unnatural, alien, and all too often hostile environment.
I prefer some such term as "special" people, not simply as a euphemism, but because it would more accurately reflect their situation Historically -- from the birth of our nation to this day -- Jewish identity, in the fullest sense of this term, has been synonymous with traditional Torah-Judaism as our way of life in everyday living. Other factors commonly associated with a national identity, such as language, territory, dress, etc., could not have played a decisive role in Jewish survival, since these changed from time to time and from place to place. The only factor that has not changed throughout our long history has been the Torah and Mitzvos which are "our life and the length of our days." The same Tefillin, Tzitzis, Shabbos and Yom-Tov have been observed by Jews everywhere in all generations. Clearly there is no substitute for the Torah-way as the source and essence of our Jewish people.
Recognizing this prima facie fact, means recognizing that Jewish survival depends on the kind of Education that develops and nourishes Jewish identity in the fullest measure. And this must surely be the highest priority of all communal services.
With regard to Jewish retarded -- parenthetically, I prefer some such term as "special" people, not simply as a euphemism, but because it would more accurately reflect their situation, especially in view of the fact that in many cases the retardation is limited to the capacity to absorb and assimilate knowledge, while in other areas they may be quite normal or even above average -- the Jewish identity factor is even more important, not only per se but also for its therapeutic value. The actual practice of Mitzvos in the everyday life provides a tangible way by which these special people of all ages can, despite their handicap, identify with their families and with other fellow Jews in their surroundings, and generally keep in touch with reality. Even if mentally they may not fully grasp the meaning of these rituals, subconsciously they are bound to feel at home in such an environment, and in many cases could participate in such activities also on the conscious level.
Even if mentally they may not fully grasp the meaning of these rituals, subconsciously they are bound to feel at home in such an environment To cite one striking example from actual experience during the Festival of Succos this year. As is well known, Lubavitch activists on this occasion reach out to many Jews with Lulov and Esrog, bringing to them the spirit of the Season of Our Rejoicing. This year being a year of Hakhel, I urged my followers to extend this activity as much as possible, to include also Nursing Homes and Senior Citizens' Hotels, as well as other institutions. I was asked, what should be the attitude and approach to persons who are senile or confused, etc. I replied -- all the more reason to reach out to them in this tangible way. Well, the reports were profoundly gratifying. Doctors and nurses were astonished to see such a transformation: Persons who had spent countless days in silent immobility, deeply depressed and oblivious to everything around them, the moment they saw a young man walk in with a Lulav and Esrog in his hand suddenly displayed a lively interest, eagerly, grasped the proffered Mitzvah-objects, some of them reciting the blessings from memory, without prompting. The joy in their hearts shone through their faces, which had not known a smile all too long.
One need not look for a mystical explanation of this reaction. Understandably, the sight of something so tangible and clearly associated with the joy of Succos evidently touched and unlocked vivid recollections of experiences that had permeated them in earlier years.
If there is much that can be done along these lines for adult and senior Jews in special situations, how much more so in regard to special children, when every additional benefit, however seemingly small, in their formative years will be compounded many times over as they grow older. In their case it is even more important to bear in mind that while they may be handicapped in their mental and intellectual capacity, and indeed because of it, every possible emphasis should be placed on the tangible and audio-visual aspects of Jewish education in terms of the actual practice of Mitzvos and religious observances -- as I have discussed this and related aspects at greater length in my correspondence with Dr. R. Wilkes of the Coney Island Hospital.
There is surely no need to elaborate on all above to the participants in the Conference, whose Rabbinic, academic, and professional qualifications in the field of Jewish Education and social services makes them highly sensitive to the problems at hand. I hope and pray that the basic points herein made will serve as guidelines to focus attention on the cardinal issues, and that this Conference will, as mentioned earlier, mark a turning point in attitude, and even more importantly in action vis-a-vis Jewish Education, long overdue.
With prayerful wishes for Hatzlocho, and with esteem and blessing, (signature of The Rebbe)
Friday, June 19, 2009
Susan Robison, Circle of Friends Volunteer Coordinator
Excerpt; Circle of Friends Evening of Recogntion Dinner June 3, 2009
...As young people we may not always recognize how experiences impact and influence our lives. And they certainly do. I believe Circle of Friends is one of those experiences that will most likely have an influence on our volunteers' lives in some way or another. I used my experience as a girl, when I sold candy as a fundraiser for my childhood friend Judy's disease, Dysautonomia. I was fortunate to attend a volunteer appreciation dinner similar (but not as beautifully decorated) as our Circle of Friends Volunteer Appreciation Dinner which I believe led me to where I am today...volunteering with and for children with special needs. As a youngster I recognized how helping others made me feel good which guided me toward my journey as a teacher and as a volunteer with children's causes.
...As young people we may not always recognize how experiences impact and influence our lives. And they certainly do. I believe Circle of Friends is one of those experiences that will most likely have an influence on our volunteers' lives in some way or another. I used my experience as a girl, when I sold candy as a fundraiser for my childhood friend Judy's disease, Dysautonomia. I was fortunate to attend a volunteer appreciation dinner similar (but not as beautifully decorated) as our Circle of Friends Volunteer Appreciation Dinner which I believe led me to where I am today...volunteering with and for children with special needs. As a youngster I recognized how helping others made me feel good which guided me toward my journey as a teacher and as a volunteer with children's causes.
From Our Parents, Diane Yormark
Closing Remarks Circle of Friends Evening of Recognition Dinner June 3, 2009
When Rebecca was born just 12 years ago, we knew within five minutes, something was wrong. Then just two short weeks into her young life, I sat across from a Geneticist at Yale who explained the chances for a child to get Hemihypertrophy is one in ten thousand, Not zero, but one. The first year was very hard. We walked around feeling as if a cloud was hanging over our heads. And as the years passed there were challenges. We would conquer one challenge and then move on to the next one. In more recent years as Rebecca grew, having friends was one of those challenges because she didn't have any friends. It was difficult to see ten girls lined up in a movie theater all laughing together.
But, every cloud has a silver lining...because we found Circle of Friends and Freida Hecht. And no, you don't say no to Freida. I don't remember how we came to find it, but Circle of Friends has made a tremendous difference in our daughter's life. And to all of the volunteers, we are so grateful for all your hard work and dedication. It means so very much to us and we thank you so sincerely. And remember, they don't call it Mitzvah for nothing.
And one more thing, if any of you haven't contributed yet and would like to, you will find pledge cards on your table.
Thank You!
When Rebecca was born just 12 years ago, we knew within five minutes, something was wrong. Then just two short weeks into her young life, I sat across from a Geneticist at Yale who explained the chances for a child to get Hemihypertrophy is one in ten thousand, Not zero, but one. The first year was very hard. We walked around feeling as if a cloud was hanging over our heads. And as the years passed there were challenges. We would conquer one challenge and then move on to the next one. In more recent years as Rebecca grew, having friends was one of those challenges because she didn't have any friends. It was difficult to see ten girls lined up in a movie theater all laughing together.
But, every cloud has a silver lining...because we found Circle of Friends and Freida Hecht. And no, you don't say no to Freida. I don't remember how we came to find it, but Circle of Friends has made a tremendous difference in our daughter's life. And to all of the volunteers, we are so grateful for all your hard work and dedication. It means so very much to us and we thank you so sincerely. And remember, they don't call it Mitzvah for nothing.
And one more thing, if any of you haven't contributed yet and would like to, you will find pledge cards on your table.
Thank You!
From Our Parents, Laurette Shrage
................................................
Circle of Friends Evening of Recognition Dinner, June 3, 2009
Laurette Shrage; Assistant Director of Special Education Elementary
level New Rochelle School District.
My name is Laurette Shrage and I am Jaclyn's mother. I was honored this evening to be invited by Freida to speak on behalf of parents with whom I share a mutual challenge.
Jaclyn is 23 years old and is diagnosed as Mentally Retarded with Autism. From the time Jackie was born it was clear to me that there was something wrong and that she and I would follow a different path in the world of mother/child. This path would be the lonely and challenging world of the handicapped child and adult. There were many concerns that needed to be addressed throughout the many years of raising Jackie. First it was when will she sit, when will she walk and then when will she talk. Needless to say she did sit and walk but we are still working on talking although she communicates in her own way. Her brother kept waiting for the day when she would be able to play with him just like other siblings did but that day never came. This was painful for me to watch and still is to this day. More concerns were How would she learn, and where would she go to school.
Jackie was born at a time when special education programs were in the early stages of evolution. Finally of all the worries the one that never seemed to have any solution was the one of would she ever have a friend and a social life. This theme continued through her entire childhood and into adult life. It was impossible for her to have anyone but a caregiver, teacher or parent for socialization. I am sure that many of you here now have had the same experience.
Finally, one day I miraculously found The Circle of Friends and met an amazing person, Freida Hecht. Circle of Friends and Freida have been a light at the end of the tunnel. Through her hard work and unrelenting dedication Jaclyn finally had a friend who would come to our house and spend time with her. Suddenly there was a place for Jackie to go on a Sunday to socialize with young people such as herself and have fun.
I speak from my heart and know that all parents who have the same worry for their child can only feel thankful for Freida Hecht and all the volunteers of Circle of Friends for giving so much of themselves. They are the shining lights and the warmth that friendship has to offer for all the children and adults who come to the circle. I know that our children's lives are that much richer because of the wonderful work of YACHAD.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I know that I speak for myself and suspect for all that are here today sharing this evening of recognition of the volunteers of this very Special Circle of Friends.
Circle of Friends Evening of Recognition Dinner, June 3, 2009
Laurette Shrage; Assistant Director of Special Education Elementary
level New Rochelle School District.
My name is Laurette Shrage and I am Jaclyn's mother. I was honored this evening to be invited by Freida to speak on behalf of parents with whom I share a mutual challenge.
Jaclyn is 23 years old and is diagnosed as Mentally Retarded with Autism. From the time Jackie was born it was clear to me that there was something wrong and that she and I would follow a different path in the world of mother/child. This path would be the lonely and challenging world of the handicapped child and adult. There were many concerns that needed to be addressed throughout the many years of raising Jackie. First it was when will she sit, when will she walk and then when will she talk. Needless to say she did sit and walk but we are still working on talking although she communicates in her own way. Her brother kept waiting for the day when she would be able to play with him just like other siblings did but that day never came. This was painful for me to watch and still is to this day. More concerns were How would she learn, and where would she go to school.
Jackie was born at a time when special education programs were in the early stages of evolution. Finally of all the worries the one that never seemed to have any solution was the one of would she ever have a friend and a social life. This theme continued through her entire childhood and into adult life. It was impossible for her to have anyone but a caregiver, teacher or parent for socialization. I am sure that many of you here now have had the same experience.
Finally, one day I miraculously found The Circle of Friends and met an amazing person, Freida Hecht. Circle of Friends and Freida have been a light at the end of the tunnel. Through her hard work and unrelenting dedication Jaclyn finally had a friend who would come to our house and spend time with her. Suddenly there was a place for Jackie to go on a Sunday to socialize with young people such as herself and have fun.
I speak from my heart and know that all parents who have the same worry for their child can only feel thankful for Freida Hecht and all the volunteers of Circle of Friends for giving so much of themselves. They are the shining lights and the warmth that friendship has to offer for all the children and adults who come to the circle. I know that our children's lives are that much richer because of the wonderful work of YACHAD.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I know that I speak for myself and suspect for all that are here today sharing this evening of recognition of the volunteers of this very Special Circle of Friends.
Volunteer Voices, Tory Brown & Amanda Platte
Staples H.S. Senior Fellowship Awardees; Tory Brown & Amanda Platte; President of the Staples HS Key Club
Circle of friends has been an amazing opportunity for both of us, one that we will definitely miss next year at school. We first heard of the program as freshmen through Key Club, a community service club at our school. We signed up clueless to the impact it would have on us and Freida matched us up with Evan.
Our First day with Evan was a totally new experience and we were nervous about how to act, what to do and whether or not we were the right kids to be doing this program. But we were pleasantly surprised that every fear and or doubt left our minds within minutes of meeting him. Whether it was playing Uno in the basement, playing in the yard,creating art projects or just talking to Evan about his adventures in school that week, there was never a dull moment.
We soon realized that when we were with Evan, we didn't have to worry . For an hour each week our problems with school, friends and work didn't matter. When we were with Evan we had not a care in the world, whether it was laughing, talking or listening to his favorite band we knew Evan loved us and he always would. He didn't care what we were wearing, what car we drove, or even if we didn't have enough time to shower before coming to his house. Evan was our friend through anything and anytime, this is a trait that he quickly taught the two of us.
In doing this program, we initially thought that we were doing good for someone else and that was all. But throughout the four years spent with Evan, he has done just as much, if not more for us. We have learned patience, understanding and compassion from him, life lessons that we can forever be grateful for.
This past week was out last time with Evan in the program, due to summer jobs, finals and time restraints, but it will definitely not be the last time we see Evan. He has done so much for us and we want to thank The Circle of Friends for this amazing opportunity and friendship we have made and that we will keep in our hearts forever. Thank You!
Circle of friends has been an amazing opportunity for both of us, one that we will definitely miss next year at school. We first heard of the program as freshmen through Key Club, a community service club at our school. We signed up clueless to the impact it would have on us and Freida matched us up with Evan.
Our First day with Evan was a totally new experience and we were nervous about how to act, what to do and whether or not we were the right kids to be doing this program. But we were pleasantly surprised that every fear and or doubt left our minds within minutes of meeting him. Whether it was playing Uno in the basement, playing in the yard,creating art projects or just talking to Evan about his adventures in school that week, there was never a dull moment.
We soon realized that when we were with Evan, we didn't have to worry . For an hour each week our problems with school, friends and work didn't matter. When we were with Evan we had not a care in the world, whether it was laughing, talking or listening to his favorite band we knew Evan loved us and he always would. He didn't care what we were wearing, what car we drove, or even if we didn't have enough time to shower before coming to his house. Evan was our friend through anything and anytime, this is a trait that he quickly taught the two of us.
In doing this program, we initially thought that we were doing good for someone else and that was all. But throughout the four years spent with Evan, he has done just as much, if not more for us. We have learned patience, understanding and compassion from him, life lessons that we can forever be grateful for.
This past week was out last time with Evan in the program, due to summer jobs, finals and time restraints, but it will definitely not be the last time we see Evan. He has done so much for us and we want to thank The Circle of Friends for this amazing opportunity and friendship we have made and that we will keep in our hearts forever. Thank You!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Volunteer Voices
Fellowship Awardees; Samantha Goltzer & Samantha Joustra - Westport, CT
Staples High School Graduating Class 2007
I’ve been a member of Beth Israel of Westport/Norwalk, for five years and a couple of years ago Freida Hecht introduced me to the new and fledgling Circle of Friends program. I called my friend Sam and asked if she would be interested in it, too. Now, two and a half years later, Sam and I stand before you to talk about our experiences with our new best friend Brian. When we tell people of our community service, the reaction we always get is, “Oh, that’ll look great for college!” That wasn’t what we were thinking about going into this program, and that hasn’t changed over the past two years.
The “Home with Friends” part of the program has allowed us to spend a little bit of time each week with Brian. We make the twenty minute drive to Brain’s house each Sunday to be greeted with an enthusiastic smile and a hug. But we barely have time for long greetings before Brian leads to us the playroom. Whether it’s a game of Cariboo or a music session with drums and the keyboard, Brian keeps us busy. He knows exactly what he wants to do and shows us eagerly. If we get lucky with the weather, we can almost always be found outside on the swing set or on the trampoline. Some games have come and go but that trampoline has remained a staple of our time together since the first day Sam and I met Brian.
Over the past two and a half years, Sam and I have been able to watch Brian grow and progress in his learning in incredible, meaningful ways. He recognizes us as soon as he sees us, and he knows his identification cards better than we do! He even says “hi” and “bye” to us, which really makes us feel great. Being with Brian isn’t a duty or a responsibility; it’s something we look forward to each and every week.
The other part of this program is the monthly Sunday Circle and Teen Scene where we get to interact with special friends we may not have had the chance to meet otherwise. We do arts and crafts, music, sports, and my personal favorite, snack time. It’s incredible to see how our friends not only help us learn, but they help each other. Last week we played a group game of volleyball and I was truly blown away by the teamwork and respect each child displayed. It’s true that we volunteers have as much to learn, if not more, from our friends as they do from us. Sam and I are lucky that we get to form a personal bond with Brian while getting to know other unique, amazing personalities. Each friend brings something special to the table.
As we move on from this chapter of our lives to the next, it’s impossible to avoid thinking about how much this opportunity has shaped our characters and made us better people. Circle of Friends teaches acceptance, selflessness, and giving the greatest gift of all—friendship.
Volunteer Voices
Fellowship Award; Laura Kassen, Westport, CT
Staples High School Graduate 2008
Staples High School Graduate 2008
I began participating in Circle of Friends four years ago after a phone call from Frieda Hecht. She told me about this new organization she was starting, one to match student volunteers with children having special needs-- and I told her I would like to volunteer.
A few weeks later, I had my first visit with Becky. I think we were both nervous about meeting one another. I was 14 at the time, and Becky was 9. I’m a pretty reserved person, and I wasn’t sure what our common ground would be—but the first visit went all right. After a few more visits we grew more comfortable with each other’s company. I came to know what Becky liked to do, and what she didn’t like to do. I remember drawing pictures of flowers on a cold day in December with Becky and talking about how we wished it were warmer out—and then we could talk about all the things we wished for. Some activities we enjoyed doing were playing dress up, reading, dancing, singing and playing with Becky’s dolls. We especially liked to cook or bake together—to cooperate on a project and to get it done brought us both a lot of satisfaction.
Being able to become friends with Becky has been a very rewarding experience for both of us. After my weekly visits I would always reflect on our time together. We have a very special relationship and it is sometimes difficult to find words to describe what Circle of Friends and Becky have given me. Becky has taught me many things that not many people my age can relate to. I admire so many of her qualities and she is truly an amazing daughter, sister and friend.
I would like to congratulate the other volunteers for all their hard work, I know that sometimes it can be difficult, but in the end the experience is valuable beyond words.
I’d also like to thank Frieda for all her hard work. She is an inspiration and I think she also deserves to be recognized this evening.
Charity begins at home. It’s not what you do in life… it’s what you do for others.
Andrea Greenberg, Westport, CT
Hi, I’m Andrea Greenberg and I’d like to bring another perspective to Circle of Friends as a mother of two teenage boys who have volunteered in the program over the past 3 years.
“Charity begins at home.” “It’s not what you do in life….. it’s what you do for others.”
These are philosophies that I have taught to my children. When I was first approached by Freida to see if my boys were interested in volunteering I immediately thought “sure, I think my boys could definitely help out with your program. I think they would enjoy helping other children in the community with special needs.”
I felt that in a community where children’s lives are so privileged and center primarily around them that it would be a good idea to have them think about and help out someone else.
It has resulted in so much more. Instead of what they thought would be helping out a less fortunate child they have found out how much they have really helped themselves. They have gained an appreciation of life as a teenager that they would never have realized without this program. Things that they had always taken for granted before was no longer the case. They now take a moment before they ever complain about school, friends, or not being good at something.
Unlike other activities when they say “Do I have to go?” “Can I skip just this week?” They never question going. They understand how important it is when their special friend, who cannot even speak, waits for them by the door and smiles from ear to ear when he sees them. They appreciate how tough it is for Brian every single day of his life. They would never think of disappointing him. There is no amount of education that could ever teach my children what they have learned through this program.
I am so proud to be a member in this Jewish community because of what Jewish organizations have accomplished. Funding for this organization would not solely benefit the special needs children but the teen volunteers who participate in it. I think you’ll agree that this organization is one that the Jewish community would be proud to call their own!!
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