A Woman of Valor

05/19/2005
A 'Woman of Valor' reaches out to whole community
By:Bonnie Adler , Staff Writer

For those on the outside trying to comprehend it, the life of an Orthodox Jewish woman can be mystifying. And the life of a Orthodox rabbi's wife can be nothing short of unimaginable for a lay person.
Freida Hecht, who lives in Norwalk and does much of her work among the Westport, Weston and Wilton Jewish community, is a "rebbutzin," which is the time-honored Yiddush word for rabbi's wife. She is married to Rabbi Yehoshua Hecht of Beth Israel Synagogue in Norwalk and is a beloved and admired teacher, a co-director of the Aleph Bet Preschool and believer in bettering the world.

Hecht is being honored as a Woman of Valor at the Beth Israel Synagogue in June.
She is the mother of 11 children who range from 24 to five years of age. As if this were not enough, she is also brilliant and beautiful.
In a clear, confident voice, Freida says, "Being a rabbi's wife is my mission statement in life for who I am. My life is not compartmentalized in any way. Who I am is what I do. It is all one thing."
"The children are a gift from God," she said. "Every child is a diamond. Does any woman say, 'I have enough diamonds?' I can never say that I have enough of those."
But of course, diamonds don't need to be nurtured, or nourished or create laundry, or messes. Freda is undaunted. She has taught her children that the family is one great supportive unit - that it doesn't matter if the child asked to fold the pile of laundry did not wear the clothing in the pile. "We are a family and we take care of each other."
She also points out that each child is an individual, to be loved and nurtured individually, although they also take care of each other. In turn, they encourage their mother to do her community work, which they know is so important to her, and take charge at home while she is away.
Freda also credits her husband, Rabbi Hecht, with supporting her, loving her and teaching her the most important things in life. "I am the rabbi's wife. He doesn't interfere with my independence. He is the one who gives me the confidence and inspiration for the things I do. My husband is a dynamo. He is a great catch."
A solid marriage is critical because the rabbinate is such a stressful job. "Everyone dumps on you - blames you if things go wrong. After all, as the rabbi you are the connection to God."
Freida describes a childhood in which she grew up in Brooklyn, in an Orthodox Jewish community known as "Lubavitch" where she had a close relationship with the respected and famous Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, a man revered throughout the international Hasidic community and whom some even called "the Messiah."
"I grew up with a feeling of confidence, that I could do things and have an impact. I felt empowered as a Jewish woman by the teachings of the Rabbi. I am motivated to teach other women, because I want them to feel empowered as well. Many of the women in our community are intelligent, inspiring people. But they are secularly intelligent and they don't know as much about religion. I wanted to help women understand the feminine soul."
It is Freida's goal to share the "brilliance and strength of the Torah where femininity is exalted." She wants to bring the teachings of the Torah to women so they can understand how it can be applied to their lives, and in a series of monthly lectures given in private homes to packed audiences, she alternates her talks between serious (mysticism and reincarnation) and trendy (one theme was Desperate Housewives - or how to find inner fulfillment). Each discussion kindles lively debate.
"I've been doing this for three years. I've learned as much as I've taught."
Her newest project is called Circle of Friends, in which she has paired teenagers in the community with children who have special needs, such as autism. The teens spend an hour with the children twice a month, and also participate in a monthly Sunday gathering in which the special needs kids come to the synagogue for a two-hour program which might include activities such as kickboxing or music and art.
"There is so much isolation in the families of special needs children. The children often have no friends, and there are so many negative feelings. We work to make them feel part of the community."
The program has been a tremendous success. Freida has gathered nine special needs children and 18 teenagers who work with them. She lauds the teens who do this work. 'To work with special needs children is to work with special souls. The teen that does this is a spiritual person. They have so many distractions - their school, their work, their music, their clothing, their friends. I am in awe of the teens who do this."
The response of the families of the special needs kids is overwhelming. "At first they can't believe it. Then they cry on the phone. They are so grateful for the relationships that develop with the children."
The Circle of Friends program also has some non-Jewish children in the program. "They should benefit too," says Freida. "I reach out to human beings. I don't limit myself."
"Remember the film ET? When the little boy and ET touched fingers and the light sparkled? Helping children creates positive energy. It ripples across the world and impacts everyone. That is the beauty of light, it spreads. If you have a fur coat, only you are warm. If you light a fire, everyone is warm."
"I believe that everything we do reflects in our private life. What good is it if everyone who doesn't know you loves you, but your kids hate you? I want to be a good person and a loving person and I want my kids to love me."
Hecht is being honored as a Woman of Valor at the Beth Israel Synagogue on Tuesday, June 7 from 10 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. For more information call 866-0534.


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